Queerlilly
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dekutree:

girl: fuck me daddy

me: don’t call me daddy…call me dad

girl: ok…dad…are you gonna make me cum today?

me: ask your mother 

(via extremistmilkhotel)

bowserfucker:

my friends and i were playing fuck marry kill at a restaurant and our waiter was gonna ask how our food was but he heard “I’d fuck goofy”and walked away immediately.

(via spamforbaking)

Straight Boys:Why are all the hot girls lesbians?
Lesbians:Why are all the hot girls straight?
Straight Girls:Why are all the hot guys gay?
Gay Guys:Why are all the hot guys straight?
Bisexual People:WHY ARE ALL THE HOT PEOPLE TAKEN?
Pansexual People:everyone is hot what do I do
Asexual People:what

validx2:

Her: *Starts complaining*

Me:  *Starts eating her pussy*

(via aflylovesong)

rnessage:

be nice to people because the world is a shitty place and we all need a little help sometimes

(via zackisontumblr)

fatwink:

crushes are great until you realize that they’ll never be interested in you 

(via telapathetic)

kookie667:

Let’s play a game called “I’m totally joking, but would do that in a heartbeat if you were into it”

(via telapathetic)

quickweaves:

me: hands in assignment

professor: immediately hands me rubric for another project 

me: image

(via notkassandra)

bagmilk:

when your waiter comes out with food but it’s for another table

image

image

image

(Source: heteroh, via notkassandra)

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