girl: fuck me daddy
me: don’t call me daddy…call me dad
girl: ok…dad…are you gonna make me cum today?
me: ask your mother
my friends and i were playing fuck marry kill at a restaurant and our waiter was gonna ask how our food was but he heard “I’d fuck goofy”and walked away immediately.
|Straight Boys:||Why are all the hot girls lesbians?|
|Lesbians:||Why are all the hot girls straight?|
|Straight Girls:||Why are all the hot guys gay?|
|Gay Guys:||Why are all the hot guys straight?|
|Bisexual People:||WHY ARE ALL THE HOT PEOPLE TAKEN?|
|Pansexual People:||everyone is hot what do I do|
be nice to people because the world is a shitty place and we all need a little help sometimes
crushes are great until you realize that they’ll never be interested in you
Let’s play a game called “I’m totally joking, but would do that in a heartbeat if you were into it”
me: hands in assignment
professor: immediately hands me rubric for another project